They say that when one door closes
Another door opens up
But people fail to mention
That sometimes the open door
Can be located on the 5th floor
Of a walk-up with no elevator
And if you happen to be a cripple in a wheelchair
Who is also too lazy to make the crawl up
You sit on your ass, wait, pray
For some godly 9.3 seismic event
To level the entire goddamned storied playing field