I understand Trump; he’s like me. We both feel like we’re pieces of shit. We both feel we’re being mocked by the whole world, so we’re angry. We want to get even with everyone. We want to show how great we are.

So what did Trump do? How did he show everyone that he was big, really big? He made a lot of money. He built big, big buildings with gold on the top. He married models. He bought the Plaza. But it didn’t help. People kept laughing at him because he was such a buffoon; he was such a parody of himself. It didn’t matter that he went to Wharton; to the New York intelligentsia, he was always just a bridge and tunnel guy.  So he had to do something bigger. What’s the biggest thing he could have? The white house. He has the white house now and he’s still angry. People are still making fun of him, even though he has everything. He has the white house, Melania, supposedly 10 million dollars, and yet he’s still crying with his 16 year old girl, whiny, spoiled Tweets.

It’s just like me. I don’t like myself. I’m a cripple. People laugh at me. People ignore me. People think I’m a retard. So I want to show everyone how great I am. I tried making money in the stock market. I tried writing poems. I tried buying 400 dollar fancy, leather jackets. I even got a job copy writing in New York at a fancy ad agency. But it didn’t work. People still laughed at me. People still thought I was a retard. I was too angry. I didn’t get enough respect. I was still a cripple. I didn’t succeed. I didn’t get published. Not only did I not make money, I lost the money I had. I stayed angry. Even now with my beautiful baby girl, living in my holy city of Yerushalaim where people love me, I still have enough anger to cause the third intifada.

So there it is. Trump ain’t no mystery to me. Trump is me. Fortunately for me, and the rest of the world, I don’t have my finger on the button. I hope Trump has more control over his anger than I do. I run over Jews for Jesus guys trying to convert me with my wheelchair in front of the police. Oh dear Donald, please have more restraint than I do. Please call me before you do anything really really bad. I understand you my brother.