My Gated Community

One Sunday, if the kids are bored and your wife
Thinks you are washed up
If you want to come observe my species
You’ll have to take a drive to the handicapped zoo
And freak of nature reserve
There you can find me in the rare north-americans
Spastic right near the aquatic Mongoloid retards
I’ll probably be sleeping or drooling sitting there
Dressed in my native 65 poly 35 cotton sweat suit skin
Point out to your kids that my crooked perma-smile
Doesn’t represent happiness but rather just
Another symptom of neural firings gone bad
Explain to them that my breed thrives
In captivity and cannot easily exists among the upright ambulatory
Who consider themselves a more evolved breed
Then ever so carefully instruct junior to stick his hand
Through the bars of the cage and not to be afraid
We crave the human touch

Designated Cripple

I am your designated cripple
I happily dribble in cafes for you
I ride in a wheelchair in the rain for you
I go to whores so you won’t have to fuck me
In return, all I ask is that if you do
Trip on me
Just say excuse me, sir
Please don’t forget the sir

Click here to see it on youtube.

In case of Palsy

If you happen
to catch
a case of palsy
don’t panic
it’s easy
just follow
these simple rules
never get out of bed
before 10:30
when an 85 year old woman
offers you her seat
take it
never eat pizza
in public
marry a heller-keller-type girl
and for money
drool for your parents
till they die
of heartbreak
sell their house
and if all this
doesn’t help
take a long nap
dream about a beautiful beach
full of beautiful bikkinied girls
there is a breeze
you can swim
the palsys’s not there
it fell out of your pocket
in the parking lot

My pal palsy

My pal palsy
and me go way back
in fact we’re almost inseperable
if I’m in a room
chances are you’ll be
able to find palsy close by
we were exceptionally close
growing up together
I took him for granted
then for a while
he was a complete embarrassment
I even tried to shake him off
but he never abandoned me
now I look for him in mirrors
I kiss his screwed up lips


got it

in a picture

my face still

but obviously


I don’t got it

at the movies

audience blind

twizzlers steady

I got it

in that building

where everyone else

got it worse

I don’t got it

between 9:30 and 4

the market up and running

Dow up 92

I got it

at weddings

in a tie

no drink

I don’t got it

with tits

in hand

shaking normally

I got it

at 49th and 3rd


tripping south

I try to disassociate myself from my cheesecake

I try to disassociate myself
From my cheesecake that has
Crumbled into pieces
Toppling from my palsy fork
To the table, onto my lap
Then falling all over the floor
I try to act like these fallen
Pieces are mere accidents of fate
And are no reflection on me
The true author of these cheesy crumbs
And so I let them lay there
Uglying the nicely varnished pine
Stuck yellow on the mid-section of my black polo

Animal looking for home

170 pound semi-neutered
45 y.o mongrel. Spastic jew
Toilet-trained with basic
Good temperament except for occasional bouts
Of venomous outbreaks
Is able to walk on hind legs
For short spurts


The neurologist told me
I had cp, the serious kind
I said, thanks so much
For the compliment
She giggled and said
You are most welcome


They say that when one door closes
Another door opens up
But people fail to mention
That sometimes the open door
Can be located on the 5th floor
Of a walk-up with no elevator
And if you happen to be a cripple in a wheelchair
Who is also too lazy to make the crawl up
You sit on your ass, wait, pray
For some godly 9.3 seismic event
To level the entire goddamned storied playing field