The World is a Tinderbox, Trump is the Match: Buy Gold, Sell Stocks Today!

The World is a Tinderbox, Trump is the Match: Buy Gold, Sell Stocks Today!

I know I have some damn nerve telling you this. I mean, who the fuck am I? I’ve lost money over the last 30 years during the biggest bull market in the history of man. But still, I’m demented enough to think that I’m right. Not only do I think I’m right, I have the audacity to want you to believe me and actually do what I’m telling you to do with your precious, hard-earned money.
Okay, here are my deranged thoughts. I’m going to give you six reasons why I want you to buy gold and sell your stocks today. Most of the reasons are connected to Trump and his policies. I don’t want to blame it all on Trump because the carnage that I predict is going to happen is because of all the bad policies and actions of the last 20 years. Therefore, all of his missteps will be amplified many times over.

  1. Unprecedented debt: the world is awash in it. This includes government, corporate, and personal debt, which are all at record highs.
  2. Rising interest rates: this is very much connected to number one. The ten year bond has risen from 1.3% to 2.6% in a couple months. This is a huge move, which I believe only portends much higher rates in the future.
  3. The stock market will go down. The market is crazily overvalued, especially because the underpinning of low interest rates is being yanked away.
  4. Trump’s policies: he is not only planning to cut taxes, but he’s also planning to spend one trillion dollars on infrastructure. This will completely balloon the deficit, which is now standing at 20 trillion dollars.  
  5. Protectionism: Trump wants to impose huge tariffs on imports. This will greatly increase the cost of everything to consumers. China will definitely retaliate. The free flow of goods will be severely diminished, thereby stifling worldwide, economic activity.
  6. Geopolitical risk: again Trump and his big mouth. Provocative Tweets, especially against China, may escalate the tensions into something very serious like a war. Also, his support of Putin may encourage Putin to do something against our allies of western Europe, prompting the US to get involved.

So why gold? Because gold shines when shit flies. If the stock market is going to fall; if there’s going to be a war; if America will have difficulty paying interest on its debts; if Trump starts imposing trade tariffs. People will panic and they will turn to one of the few, solid, tangible assets. Gold. And gold is really cheap now, which is ironic. It’s been going down ever since Trump got elected. People are so confident that Trump’s policies will cause an economic boom that they’re buying stocks and dumping gold. This is exactly why I’m telling you to do the opposite.

Buy the ETF that is backed by physical gold. Ticker symbol GLD. Or for more bang for your buck, buy the gold miners. Ticker symbol GDX.

I may be right, I may be wrong. Who the hell knows? But think of it as insurance. If I’m wrong, gold won’t go down that much from here. But if I’m right and disaster happens, selling some of your stocks now and having 5% in gold can provide some protection against financial turmoil.

Shit, Piss, Cum, and Snot…My Paints

Shit, Piss, Cum, and Snot…My Paints

Lots of people read my poems and think that I just write about going kaki, masturbating, peeing, or picking a booger. They think that I’m just doing it for the shock value. And of course I am. But for me, it’s much much more than that. These materials make up my life, both in reality and in metaphor. These are the things I’m constantly thinking about, talking about, joking about. These are the things that always help me make connections with all kinds of people. They ground me. They make me and other people laugh. They are the materials that bind us all.
I feel compelled to say all of this because since I started posting my poems on Facebook, I’ve been getting many similar comments about these so-called “gross” poems. Of course, I should expect reactions like this, especially because a lot of the readers have not been exposed to poetry. But I’ve been even getting comments from well-read people. My good friend of 50 years greeted me, saying, “Hey Buddy, when are you going to stop with the potty mouth poems?” I was taken aback and kind of hurt. It happened a month ago and I’m still thinking about it.

What do people want me to write about? Would it be better if I wrote about chrysanthemums, sunsets, and falling in love? These subjects are not compelling to me. Also, every other person in the world, poet and non-poet, writes about this stuff. So why should I? To me, it feels like a huge self-denial to write about such banality. As a Jew and a cripple, I feel a great affinity for shit, piss…These are the things that are discarded and considered disgusting; things not to be examined; too uncomfortable to be talked about, even though they are things we see everyday, all the time, everywhere.

I feel like I’m always being told to stay home, don’t talk, don’t move, don’t exist. I think exactly because of this, I feel the urgent need to intrude myself; to shout, to move, to go to places where I’m not wanted. What better paints could be suited for me? I use the discarded, the unwanted, the disgusting. I try to make something beautiful out of them, and then I force it into people’s faces and say, “Look! This is us.” It’s all us.

Cripple Rage

Do you think of cripples as angry people? Do you think cripples as all wound up and ready to explode if you try in you nicest way to open the door for them? Are you afraid they’ll start screaming at you, DON’T YOU THINK I CAN OPEN A GOD DAMN DOOR MYSELF?

Well sad to say I am a fucking angry cripple. I’m angry when people tell me I have to get on the bus through the back door even though I’ve done it 4,764 god damned times. I’m angry when I fall on the floor and I press an alarm and the woman who answers the phone doesn’t listen to me and leaves me there for 15 minutes. Or when a messianic cunt acted like she was interested in me in order to convert my crippled soul and not to fuck me.

But the worst is when I get ignored. Like standing in line for the cash machine and someone cuts in front of me like I don’t exist.

Holy shit! I sound like such an angry cripple. You could use the preceding 3 paragraphs as a Wikipedia entry for cripple rage.

I also come by my temper naturally. I got in my genes. My dad, (not a cripple), oy what temper. I remember watching his temples pulse in the car if someone would beep at him. If a chicken would fall out of our over-stuffed freezer, he would start opening and slamming the freezer door 15 times over.

And yet, I don’t think genes or the crippleness are the sole sources of my anger. Like my daddy, my anger comes from FRUSTRATION. I’m frustrated with myself. I’m frustrated that I don’t have a book of poems yet. That in 25 years of trading in the stock market, I’ve lost over $200,000. That I’m a lazy slob and a poor organizer that cant help foreign workers, or improve accessibility of the buses here in Jerusalem. So the frustration over my fuck-ups combines with my frustration about the way people shit all over me and makes me one angry mofo.

It’s funny how I usually never get angry over my physical limits. So what if it takes me 2 minutes to get out a 5 shekel coin to pay the fruit guy. Or that it took me, at 4 words per minute, 3 hours to type this. I can deal with it. But I can NOT deal with the butcher who refuses to sell 80 sh./kg. steak to me and waves me off to get away like I just sneezed in his chop meat. This to me is the most awfulest part of being a cripple. The denial of my peooplehood.

A shrink once told me that maybe I fuck-up so I can be angry at myself, and have control vs. being angry at other people, daddy, where I have absolutely no control.

Anger is not sexy. Looking back, this is probably why I didn’t have a real girl friend till I was 49. It was my un-sexy anger. It wasn’t my palsy. It was my anger added on to my palsy which probably managed to turn-off many a sweet girl.

No one even bothers giving it a name like black rage, Palestinian anger. Giving it a name automatically seems to give it legitimacy. I think cripples and the way they’re treated entitles them to be angry as much as any other minority. Our anger should not be characterized simply as a lack of coping with our disability.

But then again I don’t think anyone is “entitled” to be angry. Anger comes from not getting what we expect, what we want. To my mind no one should expect a god damned thing. By what right do we expect anything? We’re lucky the sun’s in the sky and were not eating potato peel soup in Auschwitz. Everything after that is meat in the cholent.

Besides it don’t take no talent to be angry. Any asshole can be angry and justify it. It’s easy. Controlling it is hard. Look at how many murders, wars ad child abuse there is in the world. We don’t need to be looking at ways to justify anger, we need to be looking at ways to diffuse anger.

Anyway I’m full of shit, I want to put cripple, psycho anger on the map. I think this would go a long way in humanizing us. To this end, I would like to play the lead in a movie about a psycho cripple, who can’t get laid and winds up crushing people to death with his power wheel chair.

I don’t want to die an angry cripple.

My Wife Is Dying

My wife is dying. in another day I’ll have nobody. no one to touch me. I’ll never find another like her. no one else will want to touch a cripple the way she did. she’s only making little screechy noises now.

my dying wife is a 220 volt see through green plastic hand massager. I use her because over the last couple of years my hands have been getting more and more fucked up, I also take anti depressants which makes it hard for me to maintain an erection with just my hand. I need the extra stimulation of my wife.

I really need her. I’ve had her for 3 years. I don’t know what happened to her. when I turned her on yesterday she was making this sick wheezy noise and she was vibrating only half as much. I got scared, I saw some sparks by her head. scared there was a short somewhere and that I’d get electrocuted while masturbating. now when I pick her up I hear something rattling around inside.

I guess its kind of funny but to me its not funny at all. its my fucking sex life. why is masturbation funny? why isn’t it considered just another form of sex? why cant I come into my mom’s home and say ‘hey ma, its really awful, my masturbating machine is broken and I can’t masturbate ma’ why can’t I say that? what would happen if I had a real wife and she broke her arm? that would be big news right? and no one would be laughing about that.

when it first happened, I myself started thinking how funny it was. you know, cripple guy loses his see through green vibrating wife. but the more I thought about it the more I didn’t feel like making a joke out of it. I mean how many millions of handicapped or old people are completely dependent on vibrating devices like the one I had to get them off? but everyone’s to freaking ashamed to talk about it seriously. to admit that they masturbate and that they have to use a machine. that’s why I feel like its my duty to publicly mourn my dying vibrator.

the thing to do now would be just to buy a new one. to take it home, plug it in, put on some porno and buzz away. this will make everyone happy, I wont have to deal with my horniness and no one else will have to deal with it either. but that’s too much of a pretty ending for me. I want a messing ending, I want to force myself into human contact, I want to make a jewish woman take care of jewish cripple cock. isn’t that part of why I made aliya? so maybe I wont buy a new one, I’ll just get hornier and hornier and it will make me bolder and bolder until I get a human hand.

4 Women Dance with Severely Crippled Man

its true its true.

last Thursday at boogie, here in Jerusalem, a dippy, hippy, world music, dance with your inner chakra kind of place, 4 women one after the other came up to yours truly. I didn’t even have time to wipe the shvitz off my face. and they were pretty too. and they weren’t coming over just to be goody goodies and dance with the cripple, they really seemed to be getting into dancing with me. they even stuck out their hands and made contact with mine. one woman even danced with me for a few songs and after we even cooled off with a cup of water together. it felt like moshiach had come and haNdicappedness no longer mattered to people. in fact my c.p.ness seemed like a bonus, like is was sexy. like having muscly arms or a being a lawyer who hasn’t started balding.

it’s all because boogie is set up to be a completely open, free space where everyone is welcomed and everyone can dance exactly as they want. they even had a mechitza (a separate area for girls to dance if they didn’t want to dance in front of men). people bring their kids and their dogs so the environment feels completely unthreatening and Hamish. people coming there are equally as Hamish and accepting. I couldn’t help but think about the ice cold shules, work places and public restrooms where I felt not only unwelcome but scorned. when I came in, the people at the door, not only helped me round to the wheelchair entrance, but they were also actually excited that I would get the chance to dance.

beside all the girl attention, I got these warm gushy feeling when I think about the night. I can’t wait to go back, I just got to learn some more moves. I just did the same stupid things over and over again, either shaking back and forth or up and down, kind of like someone like with a severe case of autism. it made me feel like I was a shitty dance partner. I want to be an interesting partner and there’s lots of shit I can do in my wheelchair. I’m going to ask sara my great assistant to practice with me. she came with me and I think because people know her at boogie that gave me a kosher stamp, anyway I felt kosher because I was with her.

dancing there, looking round at all the types of people I felt like the moshiach had all ready come.

There’s No Place in the World for Cripples

cripples belong no where

this came to me when I was going down the stairs to my room and a woman was down at the bottom knocking on my neighbor’s door. no one was coming. in the mean time, I was plopping down the stairs at the rate of one stair per minute. she was stairing at me. I was giving her the heebie jeebies. it made me feel like apologizing. it made me feel like saying, oh so sorry for wigging you out.

that’s when it hit me:



I’ve felt this unconsciously all my yeshiva. in ad agencies. whore houses

one time at a cash machine, I was having problem getting out my bank card. some cranky menstruating guy on the line kvetched at me, “‘ hey what are doing? what are you doing not at home?”

this fucker – because he was a fucker and couldn’t give a rat’s-ass about hurting my feelings, said what is going on in a lot of peoples mind but what they are too nice too ever, ever blurt out. everybody, or mostly everybody, would rather our unsightly bottoms be out of sight. we only make ugly the passing scenery. people feel we are a kind of an ambulatory open puss—filled wound.

I should know cause I’m ashamed to admit it but I feel the same way when I see a stray palsy sputtering about town. I say to myself, oh shit, what is this freak doing out on the street. it’s so unsightly, its ruining my Sunday and my double-scoop ice cream cone. and, my god, this poor son-of-a-bitch it going to fall, get run over, or pick-pocketed. he should be taken away to a safe and far-removed palsy preserve

so if I’m thinking like this, I can only imagine what the average joe is thinking.

(Yea, I know, being palsied myself, I got my own special warpness issues, like denial, self-hate, and identification with the aggressor, that causes me to want my type to be swept away. its kind of like a Kapo in a concentration camp or a black Uncle Tom. But still, i must insist that a good hunk of my disgust for seeing the palsied, is exactly the way most regulars react to them.)

there are many ways to counter these feeling of self-disgust. one way is for me to be counter phobic. That means I put, intrude, and insist myself, davka, into places and situations where cripples normally don’t show. In situation which freak me out, like finding myself in a room full of unknowns, instead of going off terrified to a corner and pretending to be looking at the tiles or the titles on the bookshelves, I insinuate myself into the crowd and in a trance I find myself making some comment loudly whether anyone’s listening to me or not.

another solution for me is to plunk myself into the middle of a large city. I feel that my cripple ugliness is almost drowned out by the massive sea of vast human liquidity. that’s why I love places like new york or the shuk. they’re too crazy and chaotic for people to notice or care. I mean I can’t compete with a stand full of lush, gigantic fresh strawberries. or in new york new york, a homeless blind guy singing “I did it my way.

I want to mess up the scenery for everyone but especially for myself. and fuck the whole disgusted world.

FIRE! FIRE! YOUR STOCKS, BONDS, HOUSE, JOB IS BURNING (written september 16th, 2007)

Hey, please listen to me. I want to tell you something. Its serious. It’s is so serious that even me, the crippler yid, (almost) doesn’t feel like joking. I’m really scared. I think that the U.S. is heading into an unprecedented (for our generation) financial meltdown. I feel like its September 1929. Everyday, I hear about more house foreclosures, more banks or financial companies that are in trouble. I’m scared that this U.S. financial turmoil will drag down that entire world economy, causing massive unemployment. I’m scared that one result of this is that the stock market will go down by 50% or more. I’m scared that people that I love will loose their retirement money or their kid’s college money.I’m scared that we don’t know half of it.I’m scared that I may be right. That’s why I’m trying to talk to you now. .

But ok, there’s the funny part to this. I was also nervous in the late 80’s and late 90’as. I was so nervous, that I lost $250,000 betting against the biggest bull market in history. Funny, eh? But here’s the even funnier part. I haven’t really given up. I think I can really call the market.

Funnier still more, now I feel I have such a beat on the market, that I actually have the testicular temerity to tell you what you should with your money.

Ok, Still with me? Indulge me. It’s a mitzvah to indulge a paranoid, compulsive gambler cripple. Ready for my 5 page pre-crash rant?

No? Fine. Here, first I’ll give it to you in 8 short and not so sweet bullet points.


The 25 year old money party is over. The stock market, bonds, the dollar, real estate are all going into the crapper.

The mess was 58%(?) caused by the fed who kept interest rates far too low for far too long. This easy money encouraged rampant speculation. This resulted in a series of bubbles. From dot-com to junk bonds, to houses. One bubble popped, the Fed eased, thereby creating a new, bigger bubble. With each new bubble, people felt less fear. Wall Street invested in ever crazier stuff, like in an estimated 500 trillion in derivatives, just like the ones involving those currently exploding sub-prime mortgages. And because of years of historically low interest rates, Government, business, and individuals, took on impossible debt levels.

This time, the Fed won’t be able to save our collective tushies. Lower interest rates will help as much as giving 2 Tylenol to a guy with stage IV brain cancer.

It’s a great time to get out. The crisis is just starting. People are still calm. People still think it’s just a mortgage mess and the economy is still in good shape. The stock market is only 6% off of it’s all time high.

First try opening up your statement understand exactly what kind of stuff you have in your portfolio. See how much risky things you own. Stocks, bonds, even money market funds are risky now. Treasuries are the safest.

Then Put 90% in 3 month t-bills and the rest into a gold ETF, TICKER SYMBOL GLD.

Hey, I know that I aint no Warren Buffet. So please, at the very least, talk to your broker and/or the smartest financial guy you know. Tell him/her what I said, then ask them what they think is best way to protect your money.

Even If you don’t have a lot of money, you can still own gold by buying gold coins and gold jewelry, and protect yourself.


I think everything is going to crap. The stock market, the real estate market, the dollar, is going to the toilet. A lot of people are going to loose their shirts, their pants, socks, and dental implants. I think that the crisis will build—up a momentum of its’ own that no man in tie and suit or Dockers will be able to stop.


The turd soup is the big global money mess we are in today. The mess is debt. The U.S., the government, Wall Street, regular people are all up till the eyeballs in debt. The current U.S. Government national debt is 9 trillion. (Every year the feds got to pay out $400 billion just to cover the interest on this. The U.S. consumer owes $12 trillion, around $42,000 per person.


I know you’ve read all this crap for at least the last 10-15 years. You’ve been Hearing about the huge budget deficits since Hinckley popped Ronnie Reagan. I know you’re thinking, Moishe Chaim, You were short the rock n’ roll, 1990’s NASDAQ, from 1500 all the way up to 5,000, the top. Also, you were telling us to get out of Manhattan real estate in 1997 because you thought the Asian contagion will spread. So why should we listen to you’re the geshrei of self-admitted compulsive gambler, hysterical, doom prognostication now? What Mr. smarty sweaty pants makes you think you’re going to be right in the 00’s?


You ask good. I’m proud of you my genius Talmidim (students) . I’ll tell you why. There are two reasons why it is different this time.
1. Because over the last five years, individuals have been using their soaring home equity as an ATM, incurring $12 trillion of debt. The government too has been spending like crazy, gorging themselves on unprecedented levels of debt. (FYI, the U.S. proposed military budget for 2008 is 670 billion, more than half the total budget, 10 times more than china’s)
2. During this same period of time, there has been an algorithmic increase, of these beasts call derivatives, totaling an estimated 500 trillion, that’s right trillion. The sub-prime mortgages, the things that triggered this whole mess, are often packaged into derivatives.


Yea, that’s exactly what everyone said until a month ago. All this debt and high financial high jinks can theoretically go on forever. Debt and more crazy kind of leveraging products can go grow and morph as long as everyone thinks that whatever he is buying, or whatever asset he is borrowing for, he will be able to sell to the next guy for more money. Once prices stop going up, the music stops, everyone races to get their bottoms into a nice, secure seat. People will not only stop to want to make new loans, they will be scared they won’t get their old loans back. They will not want to take on more risk or else demand to be compensated for the higher risk. Likewise, foreign investors holding 2 trillion of U.S. debt will not feel so good about holding their super- tankers of dollars, and will want to diversify into other currencies. This will make the dollar go down and Interest rates go up.


It’s starting to happen now. The music is stopping. One day, there’s a run on a British bank, the next day everyone is bailing out of a hedge fund that lost 30% in a month. Everyone is rushing to get their caboose into a seat. People don’t want risk anymore, they just want their money. People, financial people are so afraid that everything may have some kind of exploding derivatives hidden inside of any security that they might buy. So they’re selling first, asking questions later. Prices in the stock market, real estate market, the bond market are beginning to fall. Banks are getting scared that they won’t get their loans back so they’re stopping to make new loans. The next thing that will happen, and its just starting now, is that all this financial turmoil will start make people and companies scared and not want to spend and invest, thus undermining the real economy.


I don’t think that the Federal Reserve can help. So what if they lower interest rates from 5 1/4% to 4 1/4%. If borrowers are worried about the banking system, if they’re worried about crazy derivatives bombs going off seemingly every day, why would a one percentage point reduction in rates restore their faith in the soundness of the system and make them want to lend? And similarly, why would consumers, up to till nose in debt, with their homes starting too drop in value, now scared about their jobs, want to take on more debt, now matter how low interests rates are.

Remember Japan in the early 90’s? In response to their real estate bubble bursting, they cut their interest rates to zero and it didn’t help, their economy didn’t come out of recession for a decade. In December 29, 1989, the Nikkei closed at a high of 38,957. Today it closed at 16,122. That’s a 58% drop. A similar drop on the Dow would take it to 5830. (The Dow closed Friday 9/7 at 13,113.)


Don’t expect anyone important to come right out and tell you, hey Yossele, things are beginning to stink in the goldene America.. Even if Bernake believed that things are going from bad to worse, (and I don’t think he believes this) he could never ever say it. His whole job is to make sure the U.S. financial system is stable and people have faith in the soundness of the system. Any hint of panic from him would send every market in the universe straight into the crapper. As for Wall Street types, they also don’t want to scare you cause their job is also dependant on keeping this overripe, debt-infested, charade going. And besides, why in Nike’s world should they tell you to sell? They aint no Mother Theresa. They want to sell first and get the best price, before the regular schleppers wake up, panic and sell.


I know you will have a hard buying this dire prediction. For the last 60 years we have (of course, I’m talking about us bourgeois westerners) have experienced unpararelled, uninterrupted prosperity. We have been lulled into a complacency of an endless sweet lullaby of good times. We think we are utter control of our huge financial tanker, Capt. Bernake at the helm. We think we’ve been inoculated against hard times. But the history of banking is littered full of financial panics. Fortunately, or unfortunately, we have become too adept at swerving around oncoming financial disasters, (which, by the way, has only encouraged us to take on more and more debt, more and more risk). What I’m trying to do here is rattle you out of your complacent stupor, and to tell you that I think were finally not going to be able to wiggle out of this. To tell you bad shit can happen even to us.


Remember 9/11?

This will be like a financial 9/11. The fully fueled 747’s are Over Yonkers and are heading straight into Wall & Broad Street. It still a beautiful sunny, September day. But soon disaster will strike, denial will be impossible, panic will ensue. Soon there will be body parts and flaming portfolios falling from the sky. But I’m not here only to scare you. I mean I want to scare you, but only in order to get you off your complacent tush.

So here’s what I want you to do.
1.Sell all your stocks. (In a real bear market, even Google will be gorged.)
2.Get out of money market funds. Some of them are holding risky paper.
3.Get out of all bonds, including all corporates, junk, Fannie and Freddy Mac’s, Gnmae’s (These “agency” bonds are not actually guaranteed by the Fed. In case they fail, it is unlikely the Gov. would bail them out.)
4.Buy 3 month t-bills
5.Put 5-10% of your money in gold. Gold usually goes up in times of fiscal, political panic. It is also a great hedge against the sinking dollar, which is sinking as we speak. The easiest way to do this is to Buy an exchange traded fund (ETF) that represents actual gold bullion. It’s called streetTRACKS Gold shares, Ticker symbol GLD.
6.At the very least, make this meshugena happy and check exactly where your money is. Once you know and UNDERSTAND what kind of investments you have and how risky they are, ask yourself this question: What would happen if my things dropped by 50, 60%. How badly would my life and the life of my family be affected?


It is a great time to do this. I think we are only in the first inning of this mess. The market is only 5-6% off of it’s all time high. I’m just not talking here. Last week I sold my mom’s stock mutual funds, exchanged her money market fund for a 3 month T-Bill. I put 5% of her money into gold via GLD.

This is what the man himself, Warren Buffet warned back in May, before this sub-prime crisis hit:

Buffett warned about the dangers of derivatives — financial instruments derived from stocks, bonds, loans, currencies and commodities, or linked to specific events like changes in the weather or interest rates. The Federal Reserve’s efforts to regulate the use of credit to purchase securities have been made irrelevant by derivatives, he said. “The introduction of derivatives just made any regulation of leverage a joke. It’s an anachronism,” he said. Because of them, “there will be some very unpleasant things that happen” in the financial markets. “We may not know exactly where the danger begins and at what point it becomes a super danger.”

But the good news is that the toilet has just now been recently flushed and the pieces of your turds (i.e. your money) have just started their downward spiral. There is still time to stick your hand into this turd soup and chap, grab, your valuables, before they go into the sewer.
Go, my dear ones, grab.