Love Poems

My father thought I was a big man

You know how big
We are, he said to me
Pointing down to his
I didn’t have the heart
To tell him how about
My inches of lacking,
I’m happy to report
He died one month after this
Still left with the illusion
Of me measuring up


You want to chew
Their chewed-up gum
Even after
The sweet juice

Dead Pizza

I hate the other
In the other
I’m not too crazy
About the me
Of me either
Rather Dead pizza
That’s my love

Secret Roll-On

I put on lady’s deodorant
So my brain thinks
That there is
Always a woman
All over me

To the woman at the next table

Don’t mind me
I’m just a horny
Cripple pervert
But don’t worry
The worst I can do
Is drool all over
Your wedding finger

Wax Job

Thank you 137 times
for each of the 137 hurts
that you hurted for me
for each of the 137 hairs
the girl pulled from you just because
(2 weeks before you ever saw me)
I told you I like a hairless pussy
So now I love you 137 times
and for the 14 hairs that hurt
double I will love you
28 times in the next world


I sit looking at a girl
That’s looking lovingly
Into some other guy’s eyes
I pray for a slight
Jolt of the earth
To jerk her gaze
2 degrees my-ward

Tote Bag Baby

the father loved his baby so much
he cut off
its’ arms and legs
stuffed the rest
into a nice white tote bag
so that everyday
he can
carry baby around
kiss and hug
the stuck-out head
whenever he wants
the baby looks happy
gets so much
laughs a lot
except sometimes
the baby sees a ball
wants to run
after it
has to scream

My Private Hebrew Teacher

Give me
Us in the future
I said how about
You in the present
Before she could stop me
I started to conjugate